It's interesting how different dynamics present themselves within relationships.
Of course there are certain characteristics or traits that we look for in someone we choose to give our hearts to, but are never really sure of what's to come until shit gets real. And yeah, there's that whole astrology thing that comes into play, you know, if you choose to subscribe to that...
More on that later.
I'm learning that there is a MAJOR difference between being in love with someone and being in a relationship with said someone. In my eyes, love and relationship are two totally different things that at times get thrown together in the midst of emotion and ill fated logic.
Love is the easy part.
You can love a person for who they are. You can love a certain food. You can love the idea of love. But actually putting forth the effort to make that love work is another process within itself. Which brings about compatibility, lifestyle choices, goals, likes/dislikes and a plethora of other things that often get overlooked when love clouds your view.
Compatibility, whether it be within a friendship, relationship, sex, whatever... is something that CANNOT be forced by any means. When it is forced, shit gets weird and feelings get hurt. I can't speak for all women but I know for myself, if someone isn't giving me what I need emotionally, support-wise or sexually, then it creates a wedge within the relationship. And no matter how much you try to articulate how you feel or what you need, the other person just might not be able to give that to you because they don't love in that same way or refuse to understand your needs based on their own ignorance. (If you haven't already, please pick up a copy of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman or find your specific love language here)
Let's talk sex for a moment. I usually don't present myself in this way via social media or here on my blog but hey, whatever. If there's a problem with the discussion of sex in a frank manner, consider this your disclaimer.
I can be a very sexual person. I love sex; the idea of it, what it means to me and the endless possibilities. With me being very personality driven and open with people, I am very submissive in the bedroom. It's a sexual trait of mine that I have accepted and embraced. I don't mind having sex within a committed relationship by any means. The more the better. But there's something about being dominated or being in a position where I can trust the other person enough to take control and emblazon a trail of orgasmic revolution. That shit is sexy. Again, this is all my personal preference.
I would love to be a dominant, sexy beast. And maybe secretly I am. But FOR ME, it takes the right person to bring that out of me. Me and another submissive/passive person wouldn't do well together. Which brings it all full circle to compatibility again.
These sort of things need to be discussed when entering into a relationship with someone. I feel that you have to be explicit about what your standards are and what you expect from someone. If that's a conversation that gets overlooked then it could mean a world of trouble later on down the line when you long for a certain thing but never get it because of incompatibilities or miscommunication (remind me to revisit that in a later post.)
Back to that astrology thing I spoke of earlier.
I'm an Aries. A fire sign with a lot of energy and a few stubborn tendencies. Even though what they say about certain signs can be hit or miss, there are a few things that I feel to be true. In the area of friendship (and in relationships, for that matter) I always seem to attract signs where I am the least compatible. I have had 3 very good friendships with Taurus' that always come to a point where we bump heads continually, need A LOT of space or the friendship runs its' course.
There have been very special instances where I've had great relationships with people I've been deemed highly incompatible by the stars' definition. I think what made those relationships work was knowing the possibility of incompatibility but being open to working through whatever differences we had as individuals because we loved each other as individuals. In order to love freely and unconditionally, you have to accept people for who they are, flaws and all. Be willing to put in the work and climb those mountains when they present themselves (and they will.)
Even though love is the easy part, love is the glue that pulls things together if need be. When you're in a situation that seems to be falling to pieces amidst anger and frustration, it brings it all back in perspective. Love is like the ultimate super hero that comes along at just the right time when you least expect it or are fighting it the most.
Anyway, I'm done here... I think I've said more than enough.
Remember to love freely and allow yourself to be loved. It's a great feeling when it's done right.
Until later, my friends