Wednesday, March 10, 2010

::thrill of the chase::

What is it about the chase? Why is it human nature to turn away something that wants you more than you want in return? What is the complexity that is the chase? I can only speak on what I know personally and from friend/family-speak, but we always want what we can't or should not have. Or more so, what is hard to get.

Let's say, hypothetically, two people date; person A and person B. Person A begins to feel strongly for person B. But person B is apprehensive to feel the same because the feelings came too fast and too easy. So Person B begins to distance themselves just outta habit of being weary of ::insert relationship insecurities and doubts here::

Person A then feels rejected and blames self for going hard too soon and then in the next go round of Love's Possibility becomes Person B.

I never understood the chase. Still kinda don't. What makes us become the hunter in the African jungles going after unsuspecting prey? Or is the prey as unsuspecting as we think? More often than not, the prey knows when it's being hunted and therefore prepares itself for the chase.

::i feel like i'm all over the place, but bare with me... Let me get this right lol::

If the prey knows it's being hunted, and the hunter thinks that this is a fair chase, where's the thrill? 'Tis not a fair game, is it?

Back to my main point, I guess. Why can't we accept love or "like" when it first presents itself in rare and sincere form? Why is it that we instantly become gate guarded emotionally? I think, it's because we know we're being preyed upon.

Who likes to be hunted, anyway...

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

::indisposition – Take #0859-AM615::


Has it come to this?

The deafening silence

Accompanied by the memory of your kiss

Insomnia keeps me from seeing you

In my Technicolor sleep

I taste you…

Or maybe

It was a hallucination within my reverie

My heart’s asylum

Love trapped within me

Captured by you



I’m begging to get back to some

Decent REM


Within this love defined

I lost sight of the happy


Wanted to emulate mis-communicated expectations

Giving what I

Assumed you wanted

Never confirmed


Ease me

I’m tired

Exhausted even

Going above and beyond

I just

Fought lying down completely

While you rested peacefully


Watched you dream

Wide asleep

On the other end of the spectrum…


Am I doing too much?

Wake up and discuss


Love thing

I’m up all night

Trying to figure

Where did love defeat me

Will I ever rest easy

Fully enthralled

In love’s sleep


::that thing::

So, I read an article that Wale wrote about "that thing"... I felt compelled to give me take on it.

What is it about "that thing" that makes us so apprehensive to enjoy it fully? What makes us hide behind masks and clouds of smoke so that we lead ourselves to believe that we are untouchable by "that thing"? In my opinion, I feel that "that thing" offers a gift and a curse that makes a feel a certain vulnerability. Once we feel that vulnerability and get hurt by it, we close ourselves off to become numb to future happenings of said pain. I call "that thing" a gift and a curse because it's so beautiful and can allow you to feel so much joy and happiness. But on the other end of the spectrum, in the same breath, we experience the vulnerability of allowing ourselves to feel freely and openly. No holds barred. Authorizing the demise of our hearts emotion if given to an undeserving suitor.

But, in essence, "that thing" is a wonderful experience that very few are brave enough to leap out on faith and let occur. I think many get more so caught up in the fear and negative possibilities of "that thing" that they never really allow themselves to be fully enthralled in it. Giving half hearts and full suspicion.

How do we proceed to break the cycle of doubt? Is it that we have to trust that there is more Good in "that thing" than negative? Do we have to see the greatness of it in other situations before we allow ourselves to even think of experiencing it for ourselves? Or do we forever stay in a shell of emotional safety, never to make ourselves familiar with what "that thing" has to offer?