That's the first time I've said that (or more so written) since my birthday a little more than a week ago.
This #BeautifulCrusade has been a journey of grandeur measures and emotions. Right now, I'm at a point where I have no excuses. It's definitely time to arrive since I clearly have checked out for a little bit...
But I guess my checking out has been due to a false sense of uncertainty that I've been making for myself. Using fear and doubt as an excuse to fall by the wayside and hold on to the clutch of subtle stability. Clearly with all my introspective-ness-ness over the past two years, I should know better... Right?
I get into these modes where I get hyped about starting something new, then carrying out event plans and business ventures. Then I accomplish something, wade in the waters of pseudo success for a bit and then I psyche myself out of doing it again out of 'fear' that I can't do it like I did before...
Clearly I'm crazy. Or maybe this is normal for a twentysomething... Being that I'm still in active pursuit of the #BeautifulCrusade, I'm still fine tuning who I am, what I stand for and my ultimate purpose for life. I'm about 95% sure of what I want to do and I have a somewhat clear picture of the woman I wish to be. But what I'm realizing about myself and other twentysomethings is that uncertainty is easy. Dwelling in the depths of ambiguity without making a concrete decision seems like I breeze, on the surface. It allows us to not adhere to any commitments and try things out/see where they go for extended periods of time.
That's a problem.
For me, I need to stop fooling myself with this ambiguous fear factor. I've done PLENTY and experienced more than my fair share to know that I am capable of not just anything, but everything. I'm just on this lazy autopilot that has me caught up in maybes and potential.
Being that I am truly on my own now, it is TOTALLY up to me to achieve ANYTHING. I must motivate and support myself if I want to see some changes and better myself business-wise, spiritually, health-wise and mentally.
I can't draw on the phrases such as "My family doesn't support me", "I'm not good enough compared to the competition" and "No one takes me seriously because I'm so young and cute".
The truth is, my family does support me with love. I'm good enough for me and there is no competition. Everyone has their own lane and expertise. And lastly, of course no one will take me seriously if I don't take myself seriously...
Personal development is damn hard... But it's necessary.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
New beginnings are always a good thing...
Last year was definitely a learning experience with its share of ups and downs. I learned a lot about myself and discovered more about the young woman I hope to become. It takes a few trials to actually appreciate your purpose and all the things that are in store for you...
Just a quick update for pretty much anyone who reads this blog: I am currently back living in Atlanta. After a year in Chicago, I have been led back to where it is that I really want to be. Anything that pulls you back time and time again means something deep that maybe you can only understand.
A lot of people inquire why I would want to come to Atlanta from Chicago, as to infer that it is some sort of downgrade... I have my reasons. They are mine and mine alone. But what I will say is that I am absolutely happier here and I feel safe. I think those are two basic needs that every human being should seek to fulfill: a sense of happiness and safety. Without those two things, how else can one live comfortably?
Secondly, I am happy to announce that I am in a relationship. I've tried my best to keep it under wraps as a way to keep matters of the heart close and untouched. But I was reminded that I have written a few more times on this blog about my desire to be in a relationship and love unconditionally. So for those that frequent this blog, if any, please know that romantic love almost ALWAYS comes looking for you when you least expect it. And when it comes, you should never deny it.
This year is definitely a new chapter in my life. Last year was growth. This year is about progress. And with any new chapter or onset of new beginnings comes a whole new collective of experiences, problems, people and lessons. Given my past, I know that I am more than ready to go THROUGH it all. From what I've come to and been brought through, I'm most certain that I am prepared.
Even though I've been here before, it feels entirely different than before. My mindset is different, my purpose is more defined and I'm looking at life with a different set of lenses than before. The first time I moved to Atlanta, it was more so an escape. This time, it's more of an effort to build a stable life for myself and continue to grow as a young woman.
I'm excited. I'm ready. I'm loved.
What more could I ask for?
All my love,