I'm 23.
That's the first time I've said that (or more so written) since my birthday a little more than a week ago.
This #BeautifulCrusade has been a journey of grandeur measures and emotions. Right now, I'm at a point where I have no excuses. It's definitely time to arrive since I clearly have checked out for a little bit...
But I guess my checking out has been due to a false sense of uncertainty that I've been making for myself. Using fear and doubt as an excuse to fall by the wayside and hold on to the clutch of subtle stability. Clearly with all my introspective-ness-ness over the past two years, I should know better... Right?
I get into these modes where I get hyped about starting something new, then carrying out event plans and business ventures. Then I accomplish something, wade in the waters of pseudo success for a bit and then I psyche myself out of doing it again out of 'fear' that I can't do it like I did before...
Clearly I'm crazy. Or maybe this is normal for a twentysomething... Being that I'm still in active pursuit of the #BeautifulCrusade, I'm still fine tuning who I am, what I stand for and my ultimate purpose for life. I'm about 95% sure of what I want to do and I have a somewhat clear picture of the woman I wish to be. But what I'm realizing about myself and other twentysomethings is that uncertainty is easy. Dwelling in the depths of ambiguity without making a concrete decision seems like I breeze, on the surface. It allows us to not adhere to any commitments and try things out/see where they go for extended periods of time.
That's a problem.
For me, I need to stop fooling myself with this ambiguous fear factor. I've done PLENTY and experienced more than my fair share to know that I am capable of not just anything, but everything. I'm just on this lazy autopilot that has me caught up in maybes and potential.
Being that I am truly on my own now, it is TOTALLY up to me to achieve ANYTHING. I must motivate and support myself if I want to see some changes and better myself business-wise, spiritually, health-wise and mentally.
I can't draw on the phrases such as "My family doesn't support me", "I'm not good enough compared to the competition" and "No one takes me seriously because I'm so young and cute".
The truth is, my family does support me with love. I'm good enough for me and there is no competition. Everyone has their own lane and expertise. And lastly, of course no one will take me seriously if I don't take myself seriously...
Personal development is damn hard... But it's necessary.
Much love,
Charrise Renee
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