Tuesday, January 18, 2011

::Sweet Misconceptions - The Myth of "You Complete Me"::

Hypothetical conversation:
Her: This feels so right. It's like, you're everything I've ever needed...
Him: I know, what I've been searching for forever, I found in you.
Her:It's kind of like...
Both: You complete me....

Err, nope.... lol

In conversing with my sis @_JTrue last week, we spoke extensively about various relationship ills and how people view what they need or want in a partner based on past problems...

One person hurts you, and then you go into the next relationship expecting the new person to fill a void that they didn't create. You can't expect to fix you through someone else.

We are already complete and who we are meant to be. Does anyone expect their partner to enhance them and build them up? I do.

I guess that's why I'm taking this time out right now to truly work on me and get my career and "stuff" (lol) in order before I get into my next relationship. I don't want to bring a whole bunch of baggage or insecurities into a relationship and be leery with trust issues. That's not healthy nor fair for the relationship and the other party involved.

I want my partner to make me a better me. We would enhance each other based on our already developed character traits and values. The whole idea of being equally yoked. I'm not looking for him to over compensate for what I lack. I would hope that he would accept and love my flaws and if need be, help me make those flaws into unique strengths. And the same in return for him.

From what I know of my peers, people jump into relationships for the wrong reasons and then, in turn, jump out because of unforeseen conflicts. Without fully knowing someone and their background, you can't possibly know whether you'll have a successful and progressive relationship.

I'm working on my friendships and relationships that I am currently rooted in. How I nurture and maintain those relationships. My communication efforts and making them more clear and streamlined for understanding. Hopefully, this will better equip me for my next relationship.

At this point, within this #BeautifulCrusade I am learning a lot about myself. Getting better in tune with my flaws, my character, my goals and my values. That way, I can say honestly, I know who I am and what it is that I want in life and within a relationship. Without knowing that, I'd definitely be confused and slip that "You complete me" line...

Today I realized that in order to grow exponentially, I have to let go and have faith that there is definitely something great waiting for me later on when I'm ready.

In the meantime, I continue to pray for patience and to stay humble in all my efforts; personal and professional relationship-wise.

Much love,

Thursday, January 13, 2011

::Sweet Definitions - In Search of Intimacy::

What is intimacy?? Do we even know that word anymore?

Lately I've been thinking about intimacy and what the true definition is. Within our daily conversations, the meaning of what it means to be intimate gets so skewed. I feel like I can't even mention the word because some one's gonna instantly relay intimacy to sex and that's not all it is...

Intimacy in my life has been lacking. Not just in my romantic relationships (mind you that is of abysmal void right now, lol), but also in friendships and my spiritual pursuit. Intimacy is, imo, a connection. Its something deeper than just a physical touch. Physical is easy... Being intimate, now that's something that takes consistent effort and maintenance.

Being back home in Chicago, I've gotten a chance to look at relationships with new eyes. Specifically those relationships that shaped my upbringing. My family has very different dynamics of relationships and I have the chance to see things from various standpoints. Especially marriage.

Then I was thinking about what I wanted for myself whenever marriage decides to make that ultimate appreance within my life. I know a lot of young women have this idea of marriage and we all want it. But do we ever really think about the true dynamics of marriage and what it entails? And what we will actually have to give in order for it to be sustained?

If anybody knows me, you know I'm big on friendship. Guys who approach me romantically lately get the turn around because I'm not trying to run into anything that isn't solidly built on the grounds of a friendship. Most guys that I get approached by are physically driven and not too much concerned with the actual meat and potatoes necessary for a successful relationship...

I'm in search of intimacy. I'm in search of that bond that two kindred souls share. The beauty in quiet observation. The beauty of in-depth conversation between two minds. I want deeply-rooted understanding. To know someone intimately is to know more than what color their intimates are (Insert girlish giggle here hee hee).

Whenever that time comes for me, I want an intimate relationship where there is comfort in silence and not awkward uncertainty. That's attractive to me. Love develops, grows and maintains within this type of intimacy, imo.

And again, I'm only speaking from my ideals. The real intimacy that I can speak of at this moment is intimacy with myself. Really understanding who Charrise is and knowing how to love me regardless what mistakes I make and regardless of who decides to not love me.

This time around, in love, I'm making intimacy the standard and not the exception. I think it is a truly beautiful think and I can't wait to positively know what it feels like...

Until then loves, I'm figuring this thing out. and continuing my #BeautifulCrusade at all times.

Much love,

BTW, I did the BIG CHOP and let go of my #NaturalHair...
For now!

1. associated in close personal relations: an intimate friend.
2. characterized by or involving warm friendship or a personally close or familiar association or feeling: an intimate greeting.
3. very private; closely personal: one's intimate affairs.
4. characterized by or suggesting privacy or intimacy; warmly cozy: an intimate little café.
5. (of an association, knowledge, understanding, etc.) arising from close personal connection or familiar experience.
6. engaged in or characterized by sexual relations.
7. (of clothing) worn next to the skin, under street or outer garments: intimate apparel.
8. detailed; deep: a more intimate analysis.
9. showing a close union or combination of particles or elements: an intimate mixture.
10. inmost; deep within.
11. of, pertaining to, or existing in the inmost depths of the mind: intimate beliefs.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

::Sweet Beginnings - New Year, Ramblings and Weight Watchers::

First post of 2011!

I'm so glad to see another year! I can vividly remember the past two years and all that I have been brought to and through. In such a short amount of time, i have learned so much about myself and the "real world". I can honestly say, I wouldn't take back anything because my experiences in turn have made me einto the young woman I am today. Yet, I still have so much more growing to do...

I recently moved back to my hometown of Chicago and I am certain I made the right decision. It feels good to be back around familar faces and places and have the exteded ability to help my family and grow closer. since I've been back, I've been doing some heavy bonding with my mama and grandma and I've learned so much from their infinite wisdom. I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder in the sense of loved ones and genuine appreciation.

Speaking of my mom, she's recently began participating in weight watchers and I am so proud of her! I love her drive and see results so far. She's happy and I'm glad. I've committed to helping her workout three times a week to get her back active as well as attend meetings with her. I'm trying to convince her to buy Just Dance 2 for the Wii so we can use that as one of our daily workouts lol

In lieu of all the new beginnings, I still have frustrations. I've tried seperating myself from certain people who have been cancerous and not good for my #BeautifulCrusade journey. But I still find myself dealing with certain individuals who try to force their favorable outcomes on my life. I really dislike pushy people... Really really.

In my opinion, people try to control the mindsn heart and lives of others when they can't control their own or are missing something very pertinent to their happiness and overall lifestyle. Then again, maybe they are only children or oldest out of siblings and can't help it. ::Insert shrug here::

I know what my plan is for my life... loosly. I know what I intend to achive, Lord willing, and I don't need outside sources directing it.

Too many cooks in the kitchen make terrible cornbread.

The craziest part is that I have to continually repeat myself about it! I guess I gotta shut those people out too and have extreme tunnel vision with no distractions. Just my tight cirlce of supporters and my awesome, crazy loud family.

Which brings me to my last and final point: My family might be a little of kilter and over bearing at times, but I love those people, man. Nobody's family is perfect. This is the one I've been given and they're mine for a reason. And for whatever that reason(s) is, I appreciate them more than ever before. I know some people who have even crazier families than mine or none at all. So, I'll choose to love them unconditionally, regardless of their faults, and be forever grateful.

With that said, the #BeautifulCrusade continues...

And check out fam-bam pics that I snatched from the new, never dying photo album, facebook (Thanks, Ma!)

My Auntie Diane, My Auntie Janice (California) and MY MAMA!!!!

Auntie Diane (Holding her granddaughter, Brooklynn and standing behind daughter Gabrielle), Grandma and Grandpa

Much love,