Monday, November 12, 2012

.::Sweet Thoughts - Out of Touch With Myself::.

I'm in a weird headspace right now... I can't quite put my finger on exactly what it is but I know I'm not myself. Maybe it's because I'm everywhere in my mind and can't keep a consistent focus. And I feel as though when I try to talk my thoughts out with others, I come off as being misunderstood and my problems menial.

Actually, I think I know what it is... I've been missing church. Not having those conversations like I should. I'm a spiritual wreck honestly. I joined a church a while ago because I felt a connection with the word being taught and the overall feeling of the congregation. But due to my work schedule and partly being lazy & unmotivated, I can't make it to Sunday service or bible study.

I need to get back on track. Get back to Him and get back to me. I know God has given me so many talents and ideas that I can't decipher within my own understanding. But if I take the time to humble myself and begin again, I'll be a lot more focused and able to breathe a little easier.

The past couple months have been trying. Stressed at work, unfulfilled in my position, wavering in my friendships and troubled about the wrong things. Somehow fear & doubt have crept back into my mental space to taunt me with their shenanigans. If I'd been solid in my Faith, this would be a whole different blog post.

Maybe I need to fast...

That may be the answer. I'll let you know what comes of these late breaking developments.

Much love,

Saturday, April 28, 2012

.:Sweet Celebration - Another Year in the Books:.

I'm 23.

That's the first time I've said that (or more so written) since my birthday a little more than a week ago.

This #BeautifulCrusade has been a journey of grandeur measures and emotions. Right now, I'm at a point where I have no excuses. It's definitely time to arrive since I clearly have checked out for a little bit...

But I guess my checking out has been due to a false sense of uncertainty that I've been making for myself. Using fear and doubt as an excuse to fall by the wayside and hold on to the clutch of subtle stability. Clearly with all my introspective-ness-ness over the past two years, I should know better... Right?

I get into these modes where I get hyped about starting something new, then carrying out event plans and business ventures. Then I accomplish something, wade in the waters of pseudo success for a bit and then I psyche myself out of doing it again out of 'fear' that I can't do it like I did before...

Clearly I'm crazy. Or maybe this is normal for a twentysomething... Being that I'm still in active pursuit of the #BeautifulCrusade, I'm still fine tuning who I am, what I stand for and my ultimate purpose for life. I'm about 95% sure of what I want to do and I have a somewhat clear picture of the woman I wish to be. But what I'm realizing about myself and other twentysomethings is that uncertainty is easy. Dwelling in the depths of ambiguity without making a concrete decision seems like I breeze, on the surface. It allows us to not adhere to any commitments and try things out/see where they go for extended periods of time.

That's a problem.

For me, I need to stop fooling myself with this ambiguous fear factor. I've done PLENTY and experienced more than my fair share to know that I am capable of not just anything, but everything. I'm just on this lazy autopilot that has me caught up in maybes and potential.

Being that I am truly on my own now, it is TOTALLY up to me to achieve ANYTHING. I must motivate and support myself if I want to see some changes and better myself business-wise, spiritually, health-wise and mentally.

I can't draw on the phrases such as "My family doesn't support me", "I'm not good enough compared to the competition" and "No one takes me seriously because I'm so young and cute".

The truth is, my family does support me with love. I'm good enough for me and there is no competition. Everyone has their own lane and expertise. And lastly, of course no one will take me seriously if I don't take myself seriously...

Personal development is damn hard... But it's necessary.

Much love,
Charrise Renee

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

.::Sweet Beginnings - A New Take on a Familiar Life::.

New beginnings are always a good thing... 

Last year was definitely a learning experience with its share of ups and downs. I learned a lot about myself and discovered more about the young woman I hope to become. It takes a few trials to actually appreciate your purpose and all the things that are in store for you...

Just a quick update for pretty much anyone who reads this blog: I am currently back living in Atlanta. After a year in Chicago, I have been led back to where it is that I really want to be. Anything that pulls you back time and time again means something deep that maybe you can only understand. 

A lot of people inquire why I would want to come to Atlanta from Chicago, as to infer that it is some sort of downgrade... I have my reasons. They are mine and mine alone. But what I will say is that I am absolutely happier here and I feel safe. I think those are two basic needs that every human being should seek to fulfill: a sense of happiness and safety. Without those two things, how else can one live comfortably? 

Secondly, I am happy to announce that I am in a relationship. I've tried my best to keep it under wraps as a way to keep matters of the heart close and untouched. But I was reminded that I have written a few more times on this blog about my desire to be in a relationship and love unconditionally. So for those that frequent this blog, if any, please know that romantic love almost ALWAYS comes looking for you when you least expect it. And when it comes, you should never deny it. 

This year is definitely a new chapter in my life. Last year was growth. This year is about progress. And with any new chapter or onset of new beginnings comes a whole new collective of experiences, problems, people and lessons. Given my past, I know that I am more than ready to go THROUGH it all. From what I've come to and been brought through, I'm most certain that I am prepared. 

Even though I've been here before, it feels entirely different than before. My mindset is different, my purpose is more defined and I'm looking at life with a different set of lenses than before. The first time I moved to Atlanta, it was more so an escape. This time, it's more of an effort to build a stable life for myself and continue to grow as a young woman.

I'm excited. I'm ready. I'm loved. 

What more could I ask for?

All my love,

Thursday, February 23, 2012

::Sweet Introspectives - Accepting the Good, the Bad and the Me::

Self discovery was never meant to be easy, right?

The past two years I've learned some things about myself that can sometimes be looked at as a gift and a curse. I can be very passionate and quick to share my thoughts and/or feelings... And of course, as I've mentioned previously in posts, I can be a huge people pleaser. I've always trained myself to believe that this is how I'm wired. I'm built to care the most even when it isn't always necessary.

This sometimes catches people off guard. I'll say too much too soon, when I should really have an open heart, open ears and closed lips. Am I brash? No. Too quick to judge? Not at all. In need of a better filter? I'm not so sure...

I catch myself apologizing for my ways when they seem to make others uneasy, uncomfortable, or I come on too strong. I hate the possibility of creating barriers within friendships that didn't exist before or losing friends altogether for things I genuinely feel.

Upon further reflection and some earnest prayer, I'm accepting the fact that I am who I am on purpose. Therefore, I should make no apologies or concessions in order to accommodate someone else's feelings or insecurities. I know deep in my heart that I mean no harm. I am built to love. And all my actions & words are done and spoken, respectively, with that in mind. I guess those that I make feel uncomfortable may not know me well enough or may not be ready to accept that trait about myself.

And that's fine.

A long, long time ago, my mother would tell me that "you can't please everybody". I never fully understood what that meant until I got older.. maybe even still, I'm just now grasping it full circle. Her telling me this came after I cried to her about one of my best friends telling me she wouldn't be my friend any more if I was another little girl's friend (I was 7 at the time).

I've tweeted it continually that people are in your life for reasons and seasons. Original, I know ;-D. But on the back end of that ever so pertinent tidbit of cliche truth, we must learn that WE are in other people's lives for definite reasons & seasons unbeknownst to ourselves. All we can do is be who we truly are and hope that we play our roles accordingly.

At least that's what I'll be doing, anyway. Life is too short to be overly concerned with anything otherwise.

The #BeautifulCrusade continues...

Much love,

Charrise Renee
The People Pleaser